Monday, January 7, 2013

Crease’s Corner 1/07/2013 “Play Like a Champion Today”

Crease’s Corner 1/07/2013

"Play Like a Champion Today"

Well tonight is the National Championship game between Notre Dame and Alabama.  Those of you who don’t know, I’m a huge Notre Dame fan.  My dad was one, and even my ex Father in law was one.  As I get older in life I think my passion has turned to Collegiate sports more than professional.

Those who know me, know that I can go a little bit overboard with sporting events.  To give you an example, in the Notre Dame/USC game back in November, I almost made myself physically ill.  I mean, I almost had to throw up mid-way through the first quarter.  Now I bring all this on myself, especially in here.  As I’ve said, I talk major shit.  I have one really bad quality, I gloat when I win, and pout when I lose…Have I said this before???  So people in here has been riding me for the last month that Notre Dame will lose and lose big.  Now you know my history of outrageous bets, but I can honestly say I’ve been good on this one, the only one I made is if Notre Dame loses I have to go around the entire unit, up and down stairs, around rooms and waddle and quack like a duck.  We call them “quack-quacks.”  But, it’s usually done under the sports TV, this is around the entire unit, so a little humiliation is on the line, but it just wouldn’t be the same if it weren’t.  At least I get to keep my eyebrows, and no tats..

I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching lately.  I’m in my last year in prison, and things aren’t exactly looking the way I wished they would in the fairy tale ending of this chapter of my life.  The thing that has gotten me thought this bit is the hope of seeing my children again, but I’m realizing that, that might not happen right when I get out.  I might have to wait until they are old enough to come to me on their own.  Trust me, this is not my doing, if it we’re up to me, it would be the first place I go upon release.  Also, the holidays are just coming to an end, and for some reason these we’re harder on me than prior ones.  I’m lost with what I’m going to do when that day comes that I finally leave here.  What should be happy times are instead the most freighting.  The biggest fear is that I’m doing this on my own.  I have a few great friends who are always there for me now, and it’s weird, it’s nobody that I ever expected to be.  It’s making me realize what is Happiness?

Happiness is different for many people.  I used to love sports, still do, it’s my passion in life.  I remember when my beloved Steelers would lose, I’d be unbearable.  I’d be cranky all week until the next game.  Then once I came to prison, something changed in me.  I came to realize that even if the Steelers won the Super Bowl or lost the big game, I was still in prison.  There we’re bigger disappointments in life than a silly football game.  New inmates always ask me the same question.  ”Crease, how did you do all that time?”  My answer is the same every time.  Have something to look forward to, no matter how trivial it may be.  If it’s a television show you watch every week.  If it’s a radio show you listen to every week or everyday, have something that makes you happy.  It was funny, early on at Butner we’d watch Charmed every weekday..Be honest now, wasn’t those story lines amazing, (Alyssa Milano and Shannon Doherty didn’t hurt), but it was a pattern.  That’s the secret to doing time, have a routine, everyday is the same.  Look forward to little things, before you know it, days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, and months turn into years.  Almost 11 years later hear I am.

Some may read this and say, Jimmy has completely lost his mind, and maybe so.  Some of my best Corners are when I just sit down at the keyboard and flow, and that’s what I’ve done here.  It’s not my best work, far from it, but it’s honest.  I see things now a little more clearly than I ever have.  People are dying in the world, people are hungry, look at the children in the school a while back, they never deserved what happened to them.  But then sports happened again and for a moment, people forgot about the tragedies.  It happens all the time, people rally around something so trivial as a sporting event.  I’ve rallied around sporting events for all this time.  I run fantasy leagues, I watch every game you can imagine.  It’s funny, us in prison probably know more about sports and stuff than people who talk about it on TV or the radio, because it’s what we do, it’s our passion, it’s our escape from the nightmare we live.

So if Notre Dame wins tonight or if they don’t, it won’t change anything.  I’ll still be in prison, I’ll still be getting out in a year, I’ll still be scared to death about what my future holds, and I’ll still hold onto the hope that I will see my little boys.  But it sure will soften the time and give me the enjoyment that people experience with these things.  I don’t think it’s stupid.  There are more important things, but this is important in it’s own right.  Nobody wants to see a 200lb duck waddle around the unit.  Ok, everyone here does, but that’s irrelevant… My dad always told me, “Even the sun shines on a dogs ass every now and then”.  Well lets hope it’s Sunny in Milan today, cause I sure could use the warmth.  I sure could use the smile, the excitement, and the hope.

Go Irish, and “Play like a Champion Today”.  I hope you all can enjoy things too.

Crease out.

Friday, December 21, 2012

Crease’s Corner -Christmas 2012 X-mas Past, Present, & Future

Crease’s Corner -Christmas 2012

X-mas Past, Present, & Future

Well, this very well could be my last Christmas in prison if everything goes the way people say it is.  It gives me time to reflect on lots of things.  I look back at the Christmas’s in my past and two stand out to me.  You would think they we’re of childhood but they are not, they are of when I was much older.  

One is right before my dad passed away..He got real sick and was on Hospice care, this happened in October of that year and they set a hospital bed up for him in our living room and prepared us.  He had a nurse that came out 3 times a week but I was his primary care giver..  Don’t think it’s anything special I did, it’s what I was suppose to do.  I remember him saying he just wanted to live to see one more football season and one more Christmas to see the Christmas tree lights again..So I devoted my life to him and he lived to see that Christmas as well as 7 more months.  He died the following July, but the thought always lingered with me, did I do enough?  Could I have given him one more?

The other memory is of my last Christmas before I got arrested.  I had never even thought of robbing banks at that moment and I remember waking my son Chase up, who was 3 at the time.  I got him and we walked hand in hand out to the living room.  When we got there and he saw the Christmas Tree with the lights on, and all the presents underneath that wasn’t there the night before, he stopped with his mouth opened, stepped back, and just looked up at me with this look of awe and shock on his face.  People don’t think of stuff like that, but that very moment has gotten me through 11 Christmas’s in prison.  That is something the Feds could not take away from me.  But I took away from me the look of my other two sons Cade and Cannon, I never got to have that experience with them, and that will carry me through the rest of my Christmas’s.

Christmas present is very simple.  It’s just another day in prison, except with a special meal.  Holidays are great because of the meal.  I’ll watch the Bowl games on, watch some NBA, play a little Pinochle and treat it as any other day.  Christmas is hard on prisoners, me I tend to embrace it now.  Some people get frustrated and sometimes tempers flare because of grief and sadness so it always best to be cautious and courteous around others.  I always try to be upbeat and positive about things and maybe have a laugh or two.  It’s kind of funny, just before I wrote this, they passed out our Christmas packages.  It’s basically a bag with snacks in it, chips, candy, etc.. Everybody complains about them, but you should see them run to get in line for it, cracks me up.

Christmas Future, well that’s the biggie.  Where will I be?  What will I be doing?  I have a few options so who really knows.  I have a real good friend going though a relationship dilemma, and it saddens me to see good people go through troubles, especially during the holidays.  One of my best friends to boot, so that saddens me even more.  Also, the longing to be with my kids.  Will I ever get to spend a Christmas with them or will I just be in the way of their holidays?  Who really knows what this future holds.  A little part of me wants to find someone, get married and have another child and do things the right way. But maybe that is a dream, I mean I’m not getting any younger and next year when I get out I’ll be pushing 32 real hard…Or some number like that.

So to all of you out there, have a great Christmas and enjoy what you have when you have it.  Take it from someone who lost it all, you can’t go home again.  I don’t want sympathy because I did all of this on my own with my own actions.  Nobody pointed me in the direction of the banks, nobody put the gun in my hand, and nobody said to me after the first one, “hey that was easy, lets do more”.  No, that was all me.  So Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from the Corner.  Maybe next Christmas or over the holidays some of us can get together..  You never know…

Crease out

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Crease’s Corner -Thanksgiving 2012..

Crease’s Corner -Thanksgiving 2012..

Just wanted to wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving.  One more after this one and I get a real Butterball!!!!!  Hope you all enjoy time with friends and family. 

Crease out

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Crease’s Corner 11/08/12 “Who am I”

Crease’s Corner 11/08/12

"Who Am I"

Well it’s been a while since I’ve put a new Corner out.  I’m compiling a lot of them, and when my site is built we will go full force again.  I had a disagreement with a friend and she posed the question at the end of a “nasty gram” of “Who are You”.  So I thought long and hard and this is “who I am”.

I’m the son of who I think was the greatest man in the world and the toughest woman in the world.

I’m a man who had a lot and gave it away because I wanted more.

I’m a man who always longed to be loved.

I’m a man who wanted to please others no matter what the cost.

I’m a man who’d do anything to make you laugh and never want to see you cry.

I’d much rather give than to receive.

I’m very impatient. (You might get a Birthday or Christmas present in advance because I just can’t wait.)

I’m very competitive in everything.  I gloat when I win and pout when I lose.  But it is never mean spirited.

I’m a hopeless romantic.  (Never underestimate the power of the slow jamz tape.)

I don’t really believe in god persay, but I believe that everyone has a soul mate.

I’m the mayor of FCI Milan, or at least that’s what I’m called.  I have many different greetings for many different people.  If I can make someone smile or laugh in this place, my job is done.

I was a selfish man who put my own wants and needs in front of others, even my own children.

I’m a man who can remember statistics from sports seasons years ago, but yet forgot what year my son was born.

I’m a man who crys in sports movies and during songs.  The movie that always gets me, Rudy, the son, Dance with My Father Again, because it reminds me of my boys.

I’m a man who robbed banks, not necessarily a Bank Robber.

I’m a man who longs to hear his childrens voice again after so many years.

I’m also the same man who gave up that right with my actions.

I’m a man with many 1/2 brothers and sisters, yet doesn’t want to speak to any of them.

I’m a man with many friends, but very few who I call “friend”.

I’m a man who has secrets that haunt me at night.

I’m a man whos past is a weight I may never be able to lift.

I am soon to be an ex-con.

I am an ex-husband.

I’m a father, but the farthest thing from a Dad.

I’m a man who will change that.

I’m a man who will try to right every wrong.

I’m a proud man, yet I have no pride left.

I was the farthest thing from what I now percieve a man to be.

But I am the person who FINALLY stives to be that man.

That’s who I am.

Crease out…

Monday, October 8, 2012

Crease’s Corner 10/08/12 “Mr. Telephone Man”

"Mr. Telephone Man"

I think telephones are purely evil.  I see so many inmates spend their last dime on the telephone.  They try to control everything from in here,Jobs, businesses, wives, families, girlfriends, etc..  I see them go absolutly nuts on that phone.  On the weekends when they try to call their girlfriends or wives and they don’t answer.  Or if they get in touch with them and they fight, then they have to wait a half hour to call back, and they pace the room.  It’s kind of sad in a way.

I myself don’t use the phone often.  One, because I never really had anyone to call, and two because again, that’s an expense I choose to live without.  Calls aren’t really expensive, a 15 minute call costs $3.45.  That’s a lot better than calling collect.  It’s what they charge us and we have to pay it because it’s not like we can switch to AT&T.  I used to call my boys once a month until my ex told me they felt uncomfortable with me calling, so I stopped.  I mean, if I called it would only be for my own selfish benifit and I try not to be like that.  Do I want to call them all the time, absolutley, but when they are ready to talk to me I will.  I have friends I can call, but sometimes I just choose to e-mail.  Phones are different because when you hear someone’s voice it makes you want more.

My son (not my real one, but you all know) Scotty, is now out of prison and I call him occassionaly.  It’s great to hear his voice and catch up, but I must admit, the streets have changed him, he’s just not as witty as he once was.  Too busy with life, but he’s great, he sends me my fantasy stats whenever I need them.  I did last night call a good friend, and I must say, it was the best phone call I’ve had in prison.  Now, I’ve never met this woman, but it’s like we’ve known each other our whole life.  We laughed, we joked, and it was just fun.  Now calls like that I can handle because it’s light, and kind of an escape from this miserable place.  Maybe it’s because my time is coming to an end in prison who knows.  But I’m changing in my way of thinking and look elsewhere for my enjoyment.  I’d much rather e-mail a friend, call a friend, or write a letter instead of hanging out in the TV room with a bunch of idiots.  I don’t even really like to watch sports anymore because it’s the same old thing.  I guess my mind is starting to go elsewhere, and I must say I like it.  

Will I ever be one of “those guys” who hang on the phone.  Never in a million years, but I can see a few calls a month to good friends.  I can go without a few items from the commissary for a little enjoyment of hearing other peoples voices and laughter.  Maybe I’ve learned a lesson here.  Maybe the enjoyment I’ve been looking for isn’t in here….Maybe, I’ll never come back here, now that’s a thought….

Crease out

Friday, September 21, 2012

Crease’s Corner 9/21/2012 “Second Chance”

Crease’s Corner  9/21/2012

"Second Chance"

Well today is a very happy day in prison.  I went to my team today, which is a sit down with my Case Manager and Unit Manager.  We have this every six months, kind of like a progress hearing.  So today I’ve had mine and I got the news that they are putting me in for the 2nd Chance Act.  Which means my projected out date is Dec. 21st, 2013…NEXT YEAR….

So, this very well is my last Christmas in prison.

It’s really been a long time and I am so thankful for the fact that they are putting me in for it.  I have good friends who I talk to who tell me they can’t believe I’ve been in so long.  I mean honestly, some people who have killed people, and child molesters have done less time than I have.  I however have a different point of view.  I did rob 3 banks with a gun and I have seen people with a lot more time for that, usually around 20 years.  But because it was my first offense I think I got off lucky.  Some might think 171 months isn’t lucky, but if you’ve seen what I’ve seen, you would change your mind.  Now my time is coming.

The only thing that would make this weekend any better is a Notre Dame victory over Michigan.  I can’t believe I always have to spin sports into it somehow.  ;o)  

For some of my friends who was hoping me well in my team today, I thank you for you thoughts and even your prayers if you did any.  I’m sure everything helped in this happening for me.  So the final word is “Finally” it’s coming to a end.  One more B-day after this one next week, so I guess I’ll be 32ish when I get out…OK, maybe a bit older.  One more Christmas, one more Super Bowl, One more National Championship, one more of everything.  What a good feeling….

Crease out

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Crease’s Corner 09/09/12 MP3 Invasion

MP3 Invasion

So as well AS E-Mail, now the Federal Bureau of Prisons is offering us MP3 players. What in the hell is this little device? It’s about 2 inches big, (no comment ladies), and is so light it isn’t even funny. It looks like something you could buy at Odd Lots for $10, but here it cost us $70. Then you can download songs off the computer and the price range is $1.20 - $1.55. I guess the more popular the songs the more expensive they are, so I guess all my Barry Manilow shit will be in the upper echelon of prices.

These inmates are going nuts over this thing. They camp out at the computer to download songs. You can download 15 songs per day, and you can be in the music section of the computer for 1 hour a day in 15 minute intervals. You can sample songs for 30 seconds, then put the ones you don’t want to buy now on a wish list and purchase them later. I was never in the drug scene, and was never involved in the “crack” epidemic, but this must be what it was like. I walk by and see all this Gangsta Rap, and all this other shit, and I’m like where’s the Bee Gee’s, where’s Phil Collins, Hall & Oates, etc. These brotha’s look at me like I’m stupid. Maybe I am, or maybe that’s why the only time I listen to the radio other than to watch TV is for my Friday Night 80’s.

They’re suppose to add a few more computers in the unit. Right now they’re 5 computers for 230 inmates. That’s not a very big ratio. I used to be able to get on the computer all the time, and I found out why. CHO-MO’S. They aren’t able to use the E-Mail system because of their crimes, unless they were hands on pedophiles. (Doesn’t that make sense, if you molest a little kid you get more privileges than one who just downloads pictures of kids.) However, the cho-mo’s can download songs for their MP3 players. So if Milan is 65% Pedophiles like they say, that shows me why it’s harder to get on the computers in the unit now. We’re hoping that after the “newness” of this wears off it will slow down some. But payday is coming up at the first of the month, so the people who don’t have players yet can purchase them then. Also, they can download more songs on payday, so the questions is – “Will it ever end?”

I myself have mixed feelings about this. I think it’s great that inmates get these things. For some people, music is very important, kind of like how sports is important to me. If it gives a man a break in here and gives them an escape, then I’m all for it. I myself, don’t really need one. I don’t really listen to the radio much, except like I said, to listen to TV and to my Friday Night 80’s. Sometimes when I can’t sleep I’ll listen to “Kisses after Dark”, and relieve my slow jamz days. But music just isn’t a priority in my life. What is good about it is that the players have rechargeable batteries in it, so you don’t need to purchase AAA’s anymore. You usually go through 2 packs a month so that’s $24 a year just on batteries you will save. So people who have some time left it probably is a good investment. But the main reason I don’t what one is that it is just pretty much out of my price range. I mean after they take my restitution out that’s my whole paycheck just to purchase a MP3 player. I like to be clean way to much, so I prefer to buy hygiene products, my coffee and whatever food I can buy, most important to me is purchasing E-Mail minuets so I can email what few friends I do have on my list, plus my son when he wants to write me. On top of that, what would you fine people do without a Crease’s Corner to read every couple days. So I made the choice, is it Pat Benetar and Taylor Dayne, or sending my Crease’s Corner to the masses. Well I’m getting so much feedback and laughter and enjoyment out of my blog, that I chose the masses. So when you read just think to yourself, he wrote this corner instead of bumpin out to “My Posse’s on Broadway”.

Crease out

Friday, September 7, 2012

Creases Corner 9/5/2012 R U ready 4 some Football

Creases Corner 9/5/2012 

R U ready 4 some Football

Well, tonight is the biggest night in Prison, the opening night of the NFL.  Inmates go nuts over football.  Fantasy leagues, stupid bets, everything.  I myself think I’m turning into my Dad, I’m really more into College now.  ”GO NOTRE DAME”  By the way did you see that beat down my Irish put on Navy, 50-0.  The game was on at 9am, so I was up with my Irish Coffee, minus the whiskey.., and just basically being my loud, obnoxious self.  But everyone expects it from me.  We played great and I have to take it as it comes.

Believe it or not, Fantasy Football is huge in prison.  I run 3 leagues in here, just something to make my time go by.  I run a Unit league, and A-Draft league, and a Shit-Talk league, (which personally I like the best.)  Inmates really love it here.  We don’t have access to info, so we get it off the ticker or out of the newspaper, and I have a friend who sends me stats when I need them, so we do alright.

I’m still a Steeler fan, but we don’t get many games, since I’m in Lion country up here.  Ugh… I hate Michigan… By the way, did you see the Alabama/Delaware game last Sat.  Oooops, that was Michigan who played them.  Did you know that Michigan stole Delaware’s Helmets.  They couldn’t think of something of their own.  By the way, Delaware is the “Fighting Blue Hens” if you didn’t know.  Don’t forget my knowledge of College nicknames.  But as long as Michigan sucks, all is good in the world.  By the way, we need to come up with T-shirts for all of us in Ohio that says, “I’d rather shower at Penn State, than root for Michigan.”  

Crease out

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Creases Corner 9/5/201 R U ready 4 some Football

R U ready 4 some Football

Well, tonight is the biggest night in Prison, the opening night of the NFL.  Inmates go nuts over football.  Fantasy leagues, stupid bets, everything.  I myself think I’m turning into my Dad, I’m really more into College now.  ”GO NOTRE DAME”  By the way did you see that beat down my Irish put on Navy, 50-0.  The game was on at 9am, so I was up with my Irish Coffee, minus the whiskey.., and just basically being my loud, obnoxious self.  But everyone expects it from me.  We played great and I have to take it as it comes.

Believe it or not, Fantasy Football is huge in prison.  I run 3 leagues in here, just something to make my time go by.  I run a Unit league, and A-Draft league, and a Shit-Talk league, (which personally I like the best.)  Inmates really love it here.  We don’t have access to info, so we get it off the ticker or out of the newspaper, and I have a friend who sends me stats when I need them, so we do alright.

I’m still a Steeler fan, but we don’t get many games, since I’m in Lion country up here.  Ugh… I hate Michigan… By the way, did you see the Alabama/Delaware game last Sat.  Oooops, that was Michigan who played them.  Did you know that Michigan stole Delaware’s Helmets.  They couldn’t think of something of their own.  By the way, Delaware is the “Fighting Blue Hens” if you didn’t know.  Don’t forget my knowledge of College nicknames.  But as long as Michigan sucks, all is good in the world.  By the way, we need to come up with T-shirts for all of us in Ohio that says, “I’d rather shower at Penn State, than root for Michigan.”  

Crease out

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Crease’s Corner 09/01/12 “Picture of me and the boys”

“Pictures of me and the boys”

Well I finally got the pictures on the page of me and my two boys, Scotty and Cody. (I just want to tell my real sons Chase, Cade & Cannon – don’t worry, those aren’t your real brothers, just my son’s in prison.)

First off, can I look any more psychotic in that picture? I swear to all of you, I’m still the Jimmy you all knew, fun loving, quick witted and easy going. Please do not take the death stare to seriously. Honestly, we didn’t even try to look mean. In the one I got, Scotty had a little smile on his face, but I don’t know what happened to it. It must have got lost in the mail or something because it never got posted, so I had to borrow Cody’s copy and send it out again to get on my page. Everyone cracks up at the picture, they say I looked like some crazed Arian brother shot-caller. Or we just say that I have alter egos, there’s Jimmy, and then there’s Jimmy the Crease. Wouldn’t want to meet that trio in a dark alley, but you would if you knew us. We’d probably help you find your way out.

Scotty, who is out of prison now commented about the picture on my page by saying, “I try to forget that day ever existed.” I told him it was his idea on the family portrait, and he said he only wanted it to be us two. I asked him if he showed his parents the picture and he said he couldn’t, he’s too Jewish. I like how he kinda looks like a tough guy in the photo. It is funny, in the picture I look like the small one. Cody is about 6’, and Scotty is about 5’9”, and I’m pushing 5’8” really hard, but I think we’re all three about the same weight, I just carry it better. LOL.

That was only the 2nd pictures I took with people in prison. When I first went to prison and I was in Butner, I took a picture with a little guy who was a friend of mine, but then after that I just never took pictures. Especially with people. I guess it’s something Joey instilled in me, he always said, “Crease, whadaya want pictures of these people for, you ain’t never gonna see them again.” I always thought about that, but as I’m closely coming to the end of my sentence, I would like pictures of those I was closest to. I wish I would have had one taken of Joey and I, but I knew he would never have done it.

Pictures are so funny in here. I guess it’s an unwritten rule that says you can’t smile in prison photos. I’ve had a few friends of mine who ask me why I don’t smile in pictures. My ex-wife even said that one of my boys asked her why his dad looked so mean, and if I ever smile. Well just to let him know, yes, your dad smiles and laughs a lot in prison. Probably more than one should in a place like this. They also have the standard prison poses, either the squat pose, the arms folded across your chest pose, or the flexing without flexing pose. Now the prisons are real strict on what you can do and you can wear in pictures. In the past you could take the shirt off and show the guns off, now you can’t do that. Pictures are looked at by the Lt. and then if he approves of them he will give them back and they will pass them out. It cost $1 per picture. Here they really hit us, in Butner you could have as many people in the pictures and it only took one pictures ticket which cost $1, then they gave you 2 pictures back. Here, if 3 people are in the picture, you need 3 pictures tickets, and you get one pictures per ticket. But it is the rule, you never smile, I guess it shows weakness. My friend Ty said me and him should take a “Fishing Buddy” picture, you know, arms around each other with big cheesy smiles. Who knows, expect the unexpected. We’re still waiting on our Giant Championship Photo. If we ever get it, I’m sure that will be a wild one, trust me, it will be posted on the corner. Until then, smile why don’t ya.

Crease out